For many families, the holidays bring a mix of excitement, nostalgia, and after a separation or divorce, a fair share of stress. Parents may worry about schedules, traditions, and emotions running high. While the season can look different post-divorce, it can still be meaningful, joyful, and full of love especially for your children.
Here are a few guiding principles and practical tips to help divorced or divorcing parents make the holidays a time of peace and comfort rather than conflict.
Keep Kid Focused
This sounds simple, but it’s the cornerstone of healthy co-parenting. Ask yourself: What will make the holidays feel safe and special for my child? Not just for myself. Usually, that means stability, kindness between parents, and the freedom to enjoy both households without guilt.
Avoid making your children choose between you or feel like they must manage your feelings. Let them see you cooperating, even if only in small ways by exchanging gifts on time, attending a school event together, or sending a friendly holiday message and making sure they have contact with both parents.
Plan Early in Writing
Last-minute plans create tension. Start the holiday conversation well in advance. Clarify where the children will be for major holidays, school breaks, and travel days.
Whenever possible, put the plan in writing. Whether that’s a detailed parenting schedule, a quick email confirming dates, or notes in a shared calendar app. A clear plan removes uncertainty and helps everyone manage expectations.
If your parenting plan or court order doesn’t already outline holiday schedules, this may be a good time to work with your attorney to add that structure for future years.
Life Happens: Stay Flexible
Even the best plans can change. Flights are delayed, relatives visit unexpectedly, or someone gets sick. Try to approach changes with grace. Flexibility doesn’t mean giving in; it means keeping the big picture in mind.
Children remember how holidays felt, not whether they happened on the exact day. A celebration on December 27 can be just as magical as one on December 25. When parents show understanding, kids learn that love, as well as the holiday spirit, aren’t tied to a date on the calendar.
Embrace Traditions and Create New Ones
Divorce naturally shifts family traditions, but it doesn’t have to erase them. Hold onto what works, and let go of what causes conflict or stress. Maybe you still bake cookies together, but at Mom’s this year instead of Grandma’s. Or perhaps you create a new “day-after” tradition like a pancake breakfast or holiday movie marathon.
Encourage your children to share their ideas for new rituals. That way they’ll feel valued and secure knowing they have a voice in the new family rhythm.
Keep Calm with Businesslike Communication
During emotional times, it helps to treat co-parenting conversations as business meetings polite, purposeful, and to the point. Stick to logistics: drop-off times, gift coordination, and travel details.
If conflict arises, take a pause before responding. Written communication often helps reduce misunderstandings and can serve as a helpful record if issues need to be clarified later. Do not disparage the other parent in writing and it goes without saying do not show your children the communication between you and your ex
Take Care of Yourself
You can’t pour from an empty cup. The holidays can magnify feelings of loss or loneliness for parents. Make space for your own emotional needs by spending time with supportive friends, volunteer, or start a new solo ritual. Children benefit most from parents who model healthy coping and self-care.
Remember: Peace is the Best Gift
More than perfect presents or matching pajamas, what children treasure most is a sense of calm and connection. When parents handle the holidays with grace and cooperation, kids feel safe and loved in both homes.
You and your co-parent may no longer share a household, but you still share the most important goal of all—raising happy, resilient children who feel the holidays are a time of joy filled with peaceful memories.