As a divorce lawyer, one of the most important conversations I have with clients early in the process is about options—specifically, whether they might be a good candidate for mediation. While not every divorce is suited for mediation, many couples find that with the right mindset and circumstances, it can be a faster, less expensive, and more amicable path to resolution.
So, who exactly makes a good candidate for mediation?
First and foremost, the best candidates are those who can set their emotions aside and focus on practical resolution. That might sound simple, but as anyone who has been through a divorce knows, emotions run high. When clients ask me whether mediation could work for them, I often say:
"The best candidates for mediation are the ones that are going into it with their emotions aside. They really just want to try to get to a resolution."
This doesn’t mean you have to be best friends with your soon-to-be ex-spouse. It means being able to look past the hurt and frustration and concentrate on the future—your children, your finances, and your peace of mind.
Personality Plays a Huge Role
Mediation requires a willingness to compromise and communicate. If one party is deeply scorned or determined to "win" at any cost, it often derails the process. In my experience:
"It really comes down to personalities. If you have somebody who is very scorned and goes into it with, 'I don't care, I'm just going to do what I'm going to do, and we can run up fees,' then it's not going to help. Typically, you'll get to mediation and they're just not going to agree for the sake of not agreeing."
Finding Common Ground
For mediation to work,both parties must be open to the idea of finding common ground. That doesn't mean you agree on everything upfront. In fact, it's common to begin far apart on the issues. But it does mean you're both willing to engage in a process that seeks mutually beneficial solutions, rather than doubling down on conflict.
Financial Realist?
Another important factor is understanding the financial realities of litigation. Divorce trials can be incredibly expensive, both in terms of money and emotional toll. For many couples, mediation becomes attractive once they begin to see how quickly legal fees can add up:
"It's a cost-benefit analysis for a lot of people. You're going to spend thousands of dollars to go to trial. So sometimes you do have people that might not be the candidate in the beginning to go to mediation, but then they start to get into it and see how much the fees are running up—and then suddenly they become the candidate for mediation."
In other words, even if you’re not a perfect candidate at the outset, you might become one as the practicalities of divorce start to hit home. Sometimes, financial awareness is the catalyst that prompts both parties to give mediation a real chance.
Mutual Respect is a Must
Mediation works best whenthere’s a foundation of respect, even if the relationship itself is ending. If both individuals can sit in the same room (or Zoom call) and talk through issues with the help of a neutral mediator, there’s potential for success.
To be clear, mediation isn’t right for everyone. Cases involving domestic violence, extreme power imbalances, or one party hiding assets are usually better handled through litigation. But for many couples—especially those who want to move on with minimal conflict—mediation can be a smart, empowering choice.
If you're considering divorce and wondering whether mediation could work for you, talk to an experienced divorce attorney. We can help you assess your situation and determine the best path forward—one that protects your interests without dragging you through unnecessary conflict and expense.